There are so many emotions that you go through with a divorce- and some you go through more than once. Feeling afraid, alone, pessimistic, mad, sad, depressed, harsh, optimistic, or hopeful is completely normal. It’s okay to have these feelings, but it is not something you should have to go through alone. Divorce is extremely common (you probably know of some friends/family members that have gone through it) and there are resources to help.
Friends and family will probably be the first source you think of to ask for help. This may not be the best place to start, though because they are inherently biased and might not help you think straight. You will already be confused and emotional, so you want objective parties to help sort through this. Friends and family are absolutely who you should go to for love and comfort, but their advice will more than likely hurt rather than help. Getting professional advice is the best to help sort through this difficult time.
Here are a few helpful resources to begin. I personally used all of these when I went through my own divorce.
You may or may not have tried therapy in the past. Most people have an opinion of what they think therapy is or is not and what it can help or hurt. Having a qualified professional to talk through your emotional trauma helps tremendously (trust me). There is accountability and ownership you need to take no matter what happened at the end of your marriage. You need to get a clear picture of who you are and what you want moving forward. Do not settle. You want to be able to form new relationships that do not repeat the past and that are healthy, especially communication wise.
Almost every community has a non-profit that offers divorce support resources. Here is a list of South Carolina Divorce Support Groups. You can look for something similar in your community. I used a couple of resources at my church, and they were extremely helpful. Stephen Ministry was available in my community and could be a good resource for you too!
CDFA™ or Financial Planner
The most common fear in a divorce, is “What happens Financially?” It doesn’t matter if you have been married for two years or 20, if you have kids or not, or if you are looking at selling or keeping a home- the question remains. Most of the time, you need someone to help run numbers or give financial projections, so you know what you are looking at. Having someone professionally trained, like a CDFA™ can really help you fully understand the financial picture. I would be hesitant to sign any settlement before you speak with someone to help you understand your true analysis first.
This can be extremely helpful, but also come with an overwhelming amount of data and resources. Divorce is very common, and everyone has an opinion. There is an abundance of free information out there so be cautious. Go slowly and give yourself some grace. Recovery is about getting better, and then moving on. Too many people stay stuck in the same scenarios over and over. Use your support system, go through the process, and move on. It is so worth it in the end!
You only have the power to control your actions and reactions. It will be hard, but so rewarding on the other side. You will learn so much about yourself and learn to love who you truly are. You have the power to choose what happens from here- good or bad. It will be tough, but nothing spectacular comes easy.
And remember, once you move forward, don’t look back; you’re not going that way.